


Ball Tampering...or Lack Thereof

by Litsetaure



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Cricket, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Sports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:39:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Litsetaure/pseuds/Litsetaure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto plays cricket. Jack sulks. Pure cracky - well, sort of - fluff</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ball Tampering...or Lack Thereof

**Author's Note:**

> Initially written in 2008, but I figured now was a good time to bring it back out, considering the Ashes started today!

Ball-Tampering...or lack thereof  
  
"Jack,” Ianto groaned, trying to wriggle away from his partner, who had wrapped his arms around him and was currently kissing and nipping at his neck. “Come on, Jack, I’ve got to go…I’ll be late…come on.”  
  
“Do you really have to go?” whined Jack, fixing him with a pout.  
  
“Jack, I’m their captain. I do have to go – I have to be there at the toss – of the coin,” he said quickly. “The two captains stand at the wicket and – oh, for goodness sake – here.” He threw some printed sheets into Jack’s hand. “Wikipedia’s guide to cricket – read it!”  
  
Jack shook his head. “I don’t know; you people and your complicated games,” he said. “Well, I suppose if we’re going to do this and if I’m going to be there to cheer you on…we’d better get going otherwise we will be late.”   
  
Ianto was about to answer when his mobile rang. “Oh – hang on, I’d better answer this; it’s the guy who’s standing as umpire for the match. Just wait a moment, okay?”  
  
“You were the one who wanted to leave a moment ago, not me,” muttered Jack. “I was perfectly happy to just stay in bed and – ow!” He winced as Ianto kicked him in the shin, before moving out of the way to take the call on his own. Sighing, he limped away, muttering irritably under his breath about sport-obsessed boyfriends. And what the heck was this game…this cricket…all about? Last time he checked, that was the name of an irritating green insect that made way too much noise.  
  
A few moments later, Ianto returned. “Jack,” he said. “Can you fetch me my stopwatch?”  
  
Jack’s eyes widened and he felt an enormous grin spread over his face. “You’re kidding, right?” he spluttered. “You want your stopwatch? Should I be naked now or –”  
  
“Jack!” shouted Ianto. “I don’t want it for that. Listen, the umpire always carries a stopwatch, or some other timepiece, with him so that he can time how long a batsman stays at the crease for. How long he bats for,” he added, seeing Jack’s confused look. “But the man who’s acting as umpire today forgot his, so I said I’d lend him mine. He’s an old friend of my dad’s and…well, it’s the least I can do, so…it’s…oh, where is it?”   
  
Jack, who moments earlier had been pouting like a five-year-old, sat up. “The last time we used it we were…” he paused, and then snapped his fingers. “Oh, yes! We were in the autopsy bay, weren’t we?” He snickered at the disgusted look on his partner’s face as the younger man disappeared down into the Hub once again. Maybe today wouldn’t be so boring after all. Besides, there was always…ball-tampering, whatever that was.   
  
“Must be in here somewhere,” he muttered, going through the Wikipedia articles that Ianto had printed off. “Not here…ah, here it is – ball-tampering.” He read the article (they would make a separate article for that, wouldn’t they?) and slowly found himself feeling rather disappointed. Apparently, ball-tampering wasn’t what he had thought it was, but something as mundane as messing with the ball. He sighed.  
  
“Oh well,” he muttered. “Perhaps that should be ball-tampering…or lack thereof.”  
  
  
~*~  
  
“I don’t know why you insisted on driving when it’s only a ten minute walk at the most,” grumbled Jack when they finally arrived at their destination. “I mean, it’s a baking hot day, the air conditioning wasn’t working, so you’re all sweaty and your clothes are creased when you made such a fuss about ironing them – not that I can see why; I mean, it’s only a game in the park, for goodness sake. The way you were going on about it, I thought it would be an Ashes Test at Lord’s or something ridiculous like that.”   
  
“I happen to take sport seriously, unlike you,” sniped Ianto as he fitted a ridiculous white sunhat onto his head. “Now shut up and don’t even think about distracting me, otherwise…” he let the threat hang, before changing the subject. “Now…if you were a captain, would you want to bat or bowl first on this pitch?”  
  
Jack blinked. “Ianto,” he said slowly, “it’s a strip of grass that happens to be a little paler than the field. How do you expect me to be able to tell you what you should do? Besides, does it even matter? It’s a game in a park where you use a bat to hit the ball; it’s hardly the Ashes or the Six Nations, is it?”   
  
Ianto glared at him. “And why does that matter?” he asked.   
  
“I just don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up.”   
  
“I’m not getting worked up; I just happen to care, that’s all. I’m leading these guys, Jack, and I want to do the best I can so I don’t let them down. Now – what would you do?”  
  
Jack rolled his eyes; he’d had enough of all this. It had been bad enough with the incessant chatter in the car, but now it was getting ridiculous. “You know what,” he hissed, “I don’t care, Ianto. You haven’t had the toss yet; you don’t even know if you’ll win it or not. You’re the one captaining the damn side, not me. You make the decisions.” He turned to walk away, and then stopped. “And, if you do have to, thank your lucky stars that they’re not as potentially life-threatening as the ones I have to make!”   
  
Ianto glowered at his retreating back, until James, his opposite number, caught his arm. “Time for the toss, mate,” he said. “Who was that?”   
  
“No one,” Ianto said quickly. “He’s just a colleague; no one special.”   
  
“Oh,” said James, shrugging. “Well…I like the coat.”   
  
~*~  
  
 _"No one...just a colleague...no one special...I like the coat..."_  
  
Jack’s footsteps slackened slightly as he felt something cold lodge in his chest at the words. For a moment, he thought about turning back to apologise, but quickly changed his mind and, setting his face, returned to the small crowd of people who were arriving and sat on the grass with them next to a middle-aged, pleasant-looking woman.   
  
“You another one who doesn’t know anything about cricket?” she asked him cheerfully, clearly noticing the now heavily crumpled sheets of paper in his hand. “James, my son, is one of the captains and he insisted that I come and watch. I’m guessing you’re the same.”  
  
“Yep,” said Jack dully.  
  
“So, who dragged you here?”  
  
“My…” Jack stopped and thought before finally settling on, “my partner. He’s the other captain, the one in the floppy hat. We…work together.” He took off his coat with a sigh, only remembering when his companion started to giggle that he was wearing a T-shirt that Ianto had given him with the phrase ‘Dabbling in the Porn Laundry’.   
  
“Nice,” said the woman appreciatively.   
  
“He gave it to me,” muttered Jack without thinking and suddenly started crying. Instantly, the woman put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“You’re more than just colleagues.” It wasn’t a question so Jack didn’t answer it. Instead, he wiped his eyes quickly and leaned back to try and focus on the game.  
  
~*~  
  
In all honesty, Jack wasn’t following the events on the field at all; it was swelteringly hot, and there was no one around who he wanted to talk to; in fact, all he wanted to do was go to sleep where he was. He had even tried shutting his eyes a few times, but the glare of the sun was so bright that he couldn’t even do that comfortably. Besides, every time he did, all he could see was Ianto watching him.   
  
Nonetheless, it was a surprise when the woman dug him hard in the ribs.   
  
“Looks like your boyfriend’s about to get a chance to bowl,” she said. “Well, come on; you’d better at least look as though you’re paying attention, especially at this stage!”   
  
Jack sighed and did his best to sit up. “Ianto’s bringing himself on?” he spluttered, rubbing his eyes. “What’s the score then?” he asked.  
  
“Well, judging by the way this lot are going on, you guys are winning.” She glanced over to the scoreboard. “Yes…you just need to get the last man out and you’ve won.” A small laugh escaped her lips. “Good luck with that one.”   
  
Jack sighed and then blinked in surprise when he saw Ianto. “I’m not going mad, am I?” he asked. “Is he…rubbing the ball on his trousers?”  
  
A young man beside him smiled. “Yip, he’s getting a nice shine on the ball there.”   
  
But Jack wasn’t listening; something else had caught his attention. “He’s rubbing it…on the front of his trousers?!” he spluttered and then yelled out, “You keep rubbing, Ianto! Keep right on rubbing! You can do it! I know you can do it, Ianto  _Fucking_  Jones!"   
  
If Ianto heard him, he didn’t give any sign of it. Instead, he simply revved himself up and charged in. Jack didn’t see what happened, but judging by the way his partner ran his hands through his hair, it wasn’t what he had wanted to happen.   
  
This happened twice more and Ianto was clearly getting more and more depressed even as he tried to hide it. Jack couldn’t bear it; he may have been bored rigid, but he could at least do what he came for; show his support. So, without further ado, he leapt to his feet.   
  
“Come on, Ianto!” he called. “You can do it; you can lead your team to the end! Come on!” He paused for breath before shouting as loud as he could, “Because Jack loves you!”   
  
There was no doubt that Ianto had heard that. Even from a distance, Jack could see that he was stunned for a second, before he straightened his head up and raced in, his bright blue eyes aflame with desire and focus as he delivered the ball and pulled back slowly.   
  
In the agonising moment where the ball left the edge of the bat and speared further away from the slip cordon, Jack would later admit that he felt a dark cloud settle over him at the look of sheer dismay and frustration on Ianto’s face. But then, at the last minute, one of the fielders leapt, seemingly out of nowhere, and plucked the ball, seemingly out of thin air…before finally hitting the ground, the red round object safe in his palm.   
  
There was a moment’s silence…and then the entire ground exploded with sound, the loudest and most joyful scream coming from Ianto himself as he was lifted in the air.   
  
Jack couldn’t stop himself. In the middle of the chaos, he raced through the crowds and straight to the players, where he grabbed his lover and held him, sweeping him clean off his feet and never wanting to let go.   
  
“I’m sorry,” he gasped as he kissed him repeatedly all over his face. “I’m so sorry…”   
  
“It doesn’t matter,” gasped Ianto, who was breathless from all the screaming. “Jack, really, it’s okay; what matters is that, whether you stayed awake or not, you came in the first place and you were there to cheer me on when it mattered.”   
  
He tilted Jack’s head back to look at him. “And I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, the whole thing with Jack falling asleep during the match is based on my first experience of a cricket match. My dad took me to Andover, in the blistering heat, when I was eight years old. I was surrounded by ancient men and had no idea what the heck was going on. Suffice to say, I got extremely bored extremely quickly!
> 
> Oh, and the ball-rubbing thing does actually happen in serious cricket. It helps the ball get shiny or swing-y or something. But it's still something that makes me giggle, especially in Test (five day) cricket, where the ball is red and the players wear white. That's gonna leave a stain.


End file.
